The holiday season should be a time for joy, celebration, and spending time with family and friends. This is the time of year for creating memories that last a lifetime and can be passed on to the next generation. Unfortunately for families who are going through, or are already on the other side of a divorce, enjoying the holidays can be much more difficult.
Co-parenting through the holiday season can easily become a heated situation if one or both parents cannot agree on which events to participate in or whose house to have dinner at, just to name a few. That's why our experienced family law attorneys in Delray Beach have put together a list of tips that can help you navigate co-parenting during the holidays.
Tip #1: Put the Children First
For a child, the holiday season represents a magical time of the year and they want all the important people in their lives to participate and get along. Smart parenting requires you to put the needs of your children first.
Marriage, family and child counselor Florence Bienenfeld, Ph.D., author of “My Mom and Dad Are Getting a Divorce, “offers the following advice:
“It’s so important when parents divorce that they become parent partners. They don’t have to like each other, but for their children’s sake, they need to become partners in parenting. If they don’t, the children will struggle to adjust.”
Tip #2: Proactively Manage Holiday Time
Organizing the Holiday schedule so that both parents and extended family have time with the children can be an enormous task. For example, some families alternate which holiday each parent gets to spend with the children every year. However, this approach is not ideal for some families, since one parent will not be able to spend the holiday with their kids every other year.
Another technique divides the hours of the day equally. This way, each parent gets to spend at least some time with the children. However, segmenting such an important day into two parts is not only hectic but can be somewhat stressful for both parents and kids on a celebratory day that should be drama-free.
“It is extremely hard for the kids to go back and forth between Mom and Dad’s two houses,” says child and family psychotherapist Dr. Fran Walfish. She suggests that parents not attempt to partition the day into two parts by expecting kids to go to both homes.
When it comes to scheduling holiday time, it's important to plan early and put it into writing.
Tip #3: Be Flexible When Possible
Sometimes, even the best laid plans can go awry or need to change. If your co-parent wishes to modify your prearranged holiday schedule, it's important to try to be flexible. Remember, your goal is to put your children first and foremost.
However, that doesn't mean you should allow your co-parent to completely walk all over you. Sometimes, giving a little in one area may encourage them to push you in others. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself either, if you believe it's what's best for your family.
Tip #4: Be Kind To Yourself
Holidays tend to be inherently stressful, what with all the planning, shopping, and traffic. Add in the hurt feelings and growing pains that accompany a divorce, and the holidays can quickly become a nightmare.
If you make a mistake with your co-parent, kids, or extended family, remember to give yourself grace. If you need to step away for a calming breath or have to uphold a boundary that's unpopular, give yourself the space to do so. The holidays are supposed to be enjoyable for you too, not just your kids.
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If you have any questions about child sharing agreements or other familial issues in Florida, contact our marital and family law attorneys in Delray Beach today! Our experienced team is happy to answer your questions and provide any legal guidance we can.